Catch Me if I Fall
by Alicia Blade
Summary: Mamoru stumbles upon Usagi spinning in a hidden meadow. First season, one shot.


Catch Me if I Fall  
By Alicia Blade   
  
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September 2004 ANs:  
  
This is another of my old fics, recently edited but mostly unchanged. Yes, I will start posting my new ones eventually, but I want to get my archive built up here first. I hope you're enjoying these!   
  
I started a C2 Archive for First Seasons, entitled _First Love: Usagi and Mamoru Beginnings. _Please subscribe, I'm hoping to make it the biggest C2 collection of first season romances. And if you would like to recommend a story or be part of the staff, please let me know through email or reviews. Arigatou!   
  
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Orignal ANs:  
  
Arigatou, Stormlight, for giving me tips on this one!  
  
This is a short story, obviously, and won't be continued, but I do hope you'll all enjoy! Please tell me what you think!  
  
"When Jesus was born in the village of Bethlehem in Judea, Herod was king. During this time, some wise men from the east came to Jerusalem and said, 'Where is the child born to be king of the Jews? We say his star in the east and have come to worship him.'"  
Matthew 2:1  
  
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Catch Me if I Fall _  
  
Is love the spinning?  
Turning faster in an open room  
Watching the walls turn around you  
As multitudes of color  
Blur together into dull life._

  
  
_ Mamoru _  
  
I may never know what possessed me to take the left trail in the park that day. My mind was full of clouded thoughts, stress weighed down my spirits, and for some reason, depression was even darker in my heart than usual. Though the day was quite sunny and bright, with only a small, barely noticeably breeze about, there were few people in the park. No children or couples. It's as though they had all decided to take the day off from free time, just so that I would be alone. With these thoughts, my mind urged me to get home as soon as possible.  
  
But when I came to that fork in the trail, where I had turned right so many times on my way to the empty apartment, I turned left. Not a moment's hesitation. And so I continued up the path, through unfamiliar gardens and over new bridges. My breathing strangely became quicker as I progressed and I felt like some foreign adventurer on his way to find valuable treasure.  
  
And I knew I was close when joyous laughter reached my ears.  
  
I froze instantly, standing in the middle of the path, one foot ahead of the other, my hands at my sides. An image flashed in my mind and I knew I had struck gold.  
  
Gulping roughly, I unsteadily pivoted to the left to see an almost invisible trail cut into the bushes from previous explorers. No one would notice it unless they were searching in exactly the right spot, the hints of passage were so miniscule.  
  
I paused for a moment, daring not to move forward just yet, if perhaps the sound had been an illusion. But in a matter of seconds since I had seen the torn bushes, I heard it again: that same chiming laughter.  
  
Holding back a nervous smile, I crept forward, holding the branches back with one arm as I walked through, careful not to lose track of the path I treaded upon, knowing it would be easy to lose. It continued on for some time and I proceeded with precise movements, guaranteed for stunning quiet.  
  
Finally, I found an opening, another wall of bushes, slightly marred. I realized now that my surroundings had grown steadily darker, until it felt almost like twilight in a dark forest, no longer mid- afternoon. Though the foliage ahead did allow rays of light to filter through, casting playful shadows upon the ground.  
  
Her voice was louder now, sounding not fifteen yards away, and I found my palms grow warmer. Pursing my lips together, I reached out my hand and pulled the wall aside.  
  
The next vision I beheld will forever be embedded into my memory. So glorious, spectacular, something to be found in water color paintings.  
  
An angel, a sprite, a fairy, my little golden-haired bunny stood in the center of a small clearing, surrounded by vines, ivy, bluebells, and wildflowers of all sorts and colors. Her crystal eyes were closed tight, her arms held out to her sides as she spun around incessantly, like a helicopter, on pointed, bare toes. Her mouth was wide and smiling, an occasional giggle pouring from small pink lips and two long, sunny locks of hair whirled about her tiny frame like spiral staircases.   
  
At that moment, I knew she couldn't possible be an earthly creature.  
  
I stood there, watching her spin faster and faster until my lungs began to burn from lack of air and I breathed again, miraculously finding thought possible.  
  
My shaking knees forced my body toward her, or maybe it was the other way around, but either way I soon began moving forward, my mouth hanging open and eyes unblinking the entire time. I don't know how I managed that, still unsure that I was breathing.  
  
Something happened and suddenly, she was aware of my presence. She stopped momentarily, wide eyes glancing into mine, and she stumbled forward. I dodged ahead, instantly wrapping my arms around her waist, and she stood stiffly for a second before collapsing completely, my firm embrace now her only support.  
  
Pale, slim arms unconsciously tied themselves around my shoulders and my throat went try. Her breathing was hard, a giggle erupting from her mouth occasionally. The small nymph felt so fragile in my arms, and yet I continued to tighten my hold unconsciously every time her legs would wobble beneath her. It felt good, phenomenal even, just to feel her heartbeat against my chest, and I dreaded the moment when her thoughts would calm to realization and she would pry herself away from me.  
  
Eventually her breathing did slow and she lifted her head to look into my eyes. A grin still lingered upon her feature and a twinkle glinted in the azure recesses of her gaze. Looking up at me now, I could see a blush tint her already flushed cheeks, and she looked away, surprisingly increasing her hold around my neck.   
  
"Mamo…" she choked out, still desperately trying to reclaim her breath. "Mamoru-san… Arigatou. For… catching me." She giggled lightly, closing her eyes, and then her head fell to my chest.  
  
I gasped, loudly I'm sure, though she didn't flinch. I could feel my voice scratching against my throat, and still managed to inquire, "Usagi, are you alright?"   
  
There was a quiet moment between us, and then she nodded. "Hai. Just dizzy. All the world is spinning around and around… except for you and me…" she whispered.   
  
A choked laugh seared my lips. "That's pretty much how I feel."   
  
Again, only silence pursued, and I welcomed it, brushing a strand of hair away from her shoulder and resting my head upon hers. Inside, I highly doubted that I would ever have the chance to be this close to my Usako again.  
  
After a long while, I felt her stir beneath me, and her arms began to slide away from my shoulders. I glanced down at her red face. Her eyes were glued to mine, an almost frightened look within them. I gulped, loosening my hold about her body. My mind began to shout urgency at me and I sighed. So the day was truly ending.  
  
Forcing a smile, I tilted my head to my shoulder, trying to show her a side of pure friendship. Her eyes widened.  
  
"You should be careful, Usagi-chan. I… suppose there won't always be someone here to catch you… when you fall…"  
  
She only stared a little longer, before nodding her head silently. I smiled, forcing the saddened frown back when her arms were completely gone from my shoulders.  
  
"Arigatou…" she whispered for the second time. My eyes felt teary and I wondered why. Slowly, I removed my hands from her completely, and forced my legs to turn away from her.  
  
"Ja ne." I heard nothing for a long time, but as I stepped again into the dark path, I heard her voice, quietly whispering.  
  
"Sayonara… Mamoru…"  
  
I nearly stumbled at the serious undertones in her voice. Good bye? Why would she say good bye? And no 'san'…  
  
I refused to turn and steal one more glance at my bunny, and continued walking out of the clearing, and park, all the way home without looking back.  
  
My heart tugged inside, wishing I had stayed.  
  
Sayonara, Usako.  
  
_ Usagi _  
  
I breathed in deeply, clutching my bag in front of my chest. The arcade doors stared back at me cruelly and I gulped, squeezing my fists together.  
  
It had been nearly a week since the day at the park, and he had been avoiding me since. Usually, I wouldn't have minded, but if only he hadn't been so darn… different that day! So sweet and… gentle. It was like he was some man that I had never even met. Completely opposite from the rude college jerk who teased me frequently as a favorite pastime, like an ongoing joke to see how angry he could make me. That day there had been something about him, something tender, almost loving. When he held me against his chest, with one hand stroking though my hair, I knew I could have fallen in love with him, and I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I did. I'm terrified of seeing him now, looking into those cool blue eyes as they glare at me so cold and reserved, frowning as if nothing had happened. I don't want that. God, I don't want that. And if it happens… I have no idea how I'll take it—if he looks at me like a child, immature and uncaring, even stupid. He has looked at me so many times like that, and though it makes me quiver inside, I hate it anyway.  
  
But I'll find out soon. I'll find out if it meant anything to him, anything like it meant to me. My brow furrows and I continue to stare sadly, debating on whether I want to know what it meant to him or not. I think I would almost rather just watch him from a distance, never knowing… But I can't do that. Before, I could survive with just the teasing and mocking. I never understood why I actually liked it, deep down. It did hurt tremendously when I thought of how much he must have hated me, but now I realize why I did enjoy it. Because deep down, I always wanted to find what was beneath the surface. I didn't mind the teasing as long as someday I would hear the real him, I would see his real smile. And I've seen it now, I've seen it, and it was lovelier than I ever could have imagined. He was beautiful. Yes, I think that on that day, at that moment, when he looked through me with those crystal, raindrop eyes, he was simply gorgeous. And there was a chance in that moment that someday we might be able to get along. There was a chance in that gasping moment that someday he might be able to love me. So that's why I'm terrified. Not that he will hate me, really, but that he won't love me.  
  
That settles it, then. I do love him after all. No, I loved him at the park. I want him back. HIM. And once I walk through these doors, I will know if that is at all possible. I will know if he still exists beneath that hard, emotionless exterior. And if I still stand the slightest chance of seeing him again, maybe holding him forever. God I want him… Chiba Mamoru. The real Chiba Mamoru.  
  
Inhaling deeply, I push my feet forward. My breath is short and I know my cheeks are flushed from running here after school. I know Mamoru always goes to the arcade, and I also know that he's been leaving early lately, earlier than usual, since the day at the park, to avoid me. Well, not today. After the last bell at school had rung, I had dashed from my classroom, flying along the sidewalks to make sure I would catch him before he left. I will see him. I will talk to him, get him to look me in the eye, and then I will know what is between us. Love, hate, or nothing at all. I trudge inside, nibbling my lip roughly the entire time, and once in the middle of the buzzings and beepings of arcade games, I look around. My stare travels straight to the counter, lifts, and he has not left yet. In fact, the second I lay eyes on him, he glances down at his watch, bids Motoki farewell, stands, turns, and sees me.  
  
He freezes. I freeze. Stalk still, his blue eyes colliding with mine in bolts of electricity I hope he feels as well as I do. I gulp, there's no turning back now. He's seen me and continues to stare, as if I'm some ghost or apparition come to haunt him. Strange how he's almost smiling. I shake my head, barely and I'm sure he doesn't notice. He is still standing there in shocked silence. My core begins to tremble inside and I close my fists tightly in an attempt to stop it. It doesn't work well and as I stare at him, less than thirty feet from me, he takes a moment to remove his gaze and look down at his watch once more. I almost laugh. Caught him off guard, at least.  
  
He looks up at me again and I see him struggle with his breath for a minute. Then, strangely, he nods as if saying hello, then throws his hands in his pockets and begins to walk towards the exit. His eyes never meet mine again as he continues through the sliding glass doors, strolling past me so casually, almost as if I wasn't there.  
  
I stand frozen for a long time, staring at a stool, or maybe the counter. Whatever it is, I pay very little attention to it, only seeing the tiny smile that had crossed over his features when he had seen me. The look in his eyes, had it brightened? I try to tell myself it hadn't, or maybe I stand here convincing myself that it had. Either way, my fingers are shaking and I begin to unclench my fists. Slowly, my eyes come again into focus and I pull them away from the red leather stool to see brown eyes staring at me oddly. I force a small tilt of my lower lip and smile at Motoki as he furrows his brow, knitting it together annoyingly. He wipes his hand off on his apron, before waving it to call me over. I gulp unsteadily, but follow his gesture anyway, strolling over to the man with determination.  
  
"Hai, Motoki-san?"  
  
"Usagi-chan… what's with you and Mamoru lately?" he asks, not beating around the bush at all. I nearly choke on air, before forcing a smile and tilting my head to the side.  
  
"Why, whatever are you talking about?" I ask innocently.  
  
"Oh, don't you give me that. Last week you two were at each other's throats every waking minute, night and day. Then all the sudden he's making a point of leaving every day before you get here and when he finally sees you, he just… what was that? Smiles and nods?! Come on, what's going on?"  
  
"Nothing, Motoki-san. Don't worry about it. Please, just ignore everything…"  
  
"No. I won't. Look, he's my best friend and you're like my little sister. Now if something's going on, I think I have a right to know, don't you?"   
  
"Motoki, nothing is going on between us! I swear!"  
  
He folds his arms over his chest, frowning down on me. "I don't believe you. Now, Usagi-chan, listen. Whatever it is, I'm sure you can tell me. Come on, is he being a jerk? Were you in a really bad fight?"   
  
"No, Motoki, nothing like that."  
  
"I really didn't think it was. Let me guess this then: You like him, don't you?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You like him. Have a crush on him. Maybe more?"  
  
"Motoki!"   
  
"Well, don't you?"  
  
"I… I… I don't have to answer that."  
  
One eyebrow raises and his hands are placed on his hips. "No, you don't. Besides, I know that's the truth. I hit it right, smack on the dot. You can't fool me. And ya know what? I'm not sure what brought around the change, but whatever it was, it affected Mamoru-kun too, ya know. I wasn't sure until a few moment ago, but it's purely obvious now. Mamoru's crazy about you, too. Trust me on that one."  
  
I gawked at him uncontrollably for a long time, just staring in disbelief. Was he serious? He looked it… in fact, he looked down right proud of himself for saying it. As if he'd solved the greatest mystery of the millennium. "Come on, Motoki, you must be joking. Mamoru-san, liking me?!"  
  
"Oh, and why not? You're bright, you're cheerful, and whether you like it or not, you're immature. Though some people would see that as a bad characteristic, a fault, Mamoru needs someone whose just like that in his life. Someone who knows how to have fun, who can make him smile. Do you really think that you couldn't handle that job?"  
  
"Motoki, I… Oh, have you completely lost your mind? Why am I even listening to this? Mamoru can't stand me! Even if… even if by some odd, whacked out turn of the universe I AM his type, he still wouldn't take me! You must have noticed that, at least thought of it!"  
  
Motoki shrugs. "I don't agree. He likes you, Usagi-chan, take my word for it. Whatever you did to get him all riled up so that it's hard for him to even look you in the eyes sure must have been something. Eh… what DID you do, anyway?"  
  
I sigh, slumping my shoulders. "Nothing, Motoki. Nothing happened between us."  
  
"I don't believe that for a second."  
  
Again, I sigh, quite loudly I'm sure, and begin to raise my eyes to his. "Look, it's a long story, alright? But… do… you really think he… has some sort of feelings for me?"   
  
He chuckles. "Look at it this way: If he didn't, then whatever happened wouldn't have mattered in the slightest and he would have no problem whatsoever going back to the old groove of cat and dog fights. But instead, he avoids you, and when he does see you again, just smiles and walks away. Surely not ready to talk but not wanting to get you mad at him either. Makes sense, doesn't it?"  
  
Suddenly, my heart is pounding stubbornly in my chest and I can feel my lungs contracting, almost painfully. "Motoki-san, if you're right then… then… that means I do stand a chance. That was the real him!"  
  
"Huh? What was 'the real him'?"  
  
I lift my eyes and grin, quite idiotically, I'm sure. "Never mind, it's not important. But I need you to do me a favor."  
  
He stares at me strangely, I'm not entirely surprised, before heaving a long sigh and letting his proud shoulders slump down. "Alright, what is it that you need?"   
  
"Mamoru's address."   
  
His eyebrow raises, and then a smile pulls on his lips. "Going to proclaim your undying love now, are you?" I feel my cheeks flare up and close my eyes angrily.   
  
"Just give me his address, Motoki! I don't have time for this!" He laughs, telling me to calm down as he searches for a pen before scribbling something on a napkin.  
  
"Alright, alright, fine. Here you go. Use this wisely, my child."  
  
I look down at the address, immediately memorizing it, feeling my nervousness grow to a tumor within me. Smiling up at Mamoru's best friend, I mutter a small thanks, before turning on my heels and fleeing from the arcade.   
  
I bang on his door for more than five straight minutes, and when I finally take my hand down, it's burning from the continuous knocking. My knuckles are already red and sore. Groaning, I lean forward, hitting my forehead rather roughly against the wooden doorframe.  
  
"Not home? How can he not be home? Doesn't he have any idea how important it is for me to talk to him?!" I mumble to myself. How cruel could fate be?  
  
I honestly don't believe I will have the same courage tomorrow. I was so ready to confront him into honesty now. 'What happened between us? Did it mean as much to you as it did to me? Tell me it was important. Tell me there's something between us. Tell me you care… or that I can make you care just as easily. Say you love me, and I'll return the words, I promise. I'm so ready to admit it. Where are you?!'  
  
Mamoru… how do you get to me so? What was it about you? I slide down the wall, my hands pressed up to the wood surface until I am down on my knees and my entire body goes limp. Gritting my teeth, I wipe an arm over my eyes to stop the tears before they start.  
  
"Why on earth are you crying?" I reprimand myself. "It's not like this is a life or death situation. So he's not home, get over it! You'll see him another time. You can tell him how you feel tomorrow. And maybe… maybe he needs time to think about you, anyway. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder… unless it'll just give him more time to contemplate your many faults. Ugh! Why is love so impossible?!"  
  
Shaking, I stand to my feet, clenching my fists. I go through so much trouble for him… where is he when I need the guy? Well, last time he was… Oh, stop thinking about the past. Hasn't it gotten you in enough trouble already? Making you fall head over heels for a man who probably would much rather live his life without ever seeing you or your stupid hairstyle again. Darn him!  
  
I really need to get out of this building.  
  
Slowly, I make my way to the elevator down the hall, pushing the down button, and all the time waiting for the silver doors to open and reveal him standing on the other side. But no, only emptiness and awful music persist when the doors open. It would have been too much like a fairytale, anyway. Why must I always remind myself that I do NOT live in a romance novel?!  
  
My legs carry me out of his apartment, down the sidewalk, into the lush green surrounding of the local park. Ha, this place is a joke. It was here that he had to be so sweet and caring the other day. It was here that I met the real Chiba Mamoru. I still don't know if he exists in real life, or just in my imagination, somewhere back in time. In the arcade, I though I saw him again. For a brief second, I thought he would once again take me into his arms, once again hold me so close. But no. He smiled, nodded, walked on by… Darn that man!  
  
I find myself in the rose gardens. I take only a short moment to analyze their all but perfect petals, worry a bit over picking one and decide not to because of the thorns. Besides, they always seem so much prettier on the bush. And so I leave the gardens, walking down a few familiar paths, over a bridge or two, then I stop, realizing where I had come. I always end up here, it's almost become a tradition, or maybe just habit. No one knows of this place, at least they hadn't until the other day. I realize that if I hadn't been laughing so loudly, Mamoru never would have found me, either. The existing pathway is nearly invisible, and I can't even remember how I first found it. Just… ended up there, sort of. But I liked it instantly, the surrounding colors and scents trapped me and I fell in love with the one place I knew I could always be alone. It was mine from the start.  
  
Slowly, I push through the foliage, walking along the path I tread deeper every time I come here, and soon find myself lifting away a heavy branch and strolling into the open green field. That's where I froze, right there at the entrance, my hand still holding the large branch aside.  
  
So he was here the entire time. I should have guessed. Mamoru leans against the only cherry tree in the field, almost like a centerpiece amongst the tall grass. His cerulean eyes lift to mine the second I step through and our gazes are trapped together. My breath catches and I hold it unwillingly, just staring at his blue gaze. My heart leaps straight to my throat, before plummeting down to my feet, my lungs stiffening within my chest as I try to force them to breathe.  
  
"Ma…Mamoru-san…" I whisper, gulping hard to find my voice. He smiles slightly, thrusting his hands into his pockets.  
  
"Konnichi'wa, Usagi-chan." His voice is quiet, simple, almost like I should have expected him to be here. Maybe I should have.   
  
_ Mamoru _   
  
So she came here after all. How did I guess she would? And why did I come here, waiting for her to show? For goodness sakes, I decide to avoid her, so what do I do? Go to the one place she's bound to be. What's wrong with me? And so I wait for an hour in a deserted area of the park, and when she eventually does show up, I just stand here looking at her.  
  
Gosh, she's as beautiful as she had been in the arcade earlier, more so even now that I can truly look at her, with the sun on her skin and the wind in her hair. Even more gorgeous than she had been in this same place just last Saturday.  
  
I allow a friendly smile to come over my lips, gently tilting up their corners. "I thought I would find you here," I mutter quietly. Slowly, I see her surprised lips close from when her jaw had dropped to the ground. "I'm sorry if I scared you, it's just… that… I thought we should talk. Somewhere other than the arcade, and… I don't know where you live, so I…"  
  
"I went to your apartment."  
  
I stare at her, my mouth agape from being cut so short on my stuttering speech. Her glowing ocean eyes gaze back at me before a becoming rose tints her cheeks and she turns away.  
  
"I thought we should talk, too. I… was kind of disappointed when you weren't there. At your place, I mean. And I always come here to be alone and get my mind off of things. I can always smile here. So when you weren't at your apartment, I thought that maybe I could come here and just think things over before I saw you again. But… here you are instead." Her blush only deepens as she stands there turned away from me. Her head is bent down, golden bangs completely hiding her young features from my starving gaze.  
  
There is a long silence as we simply stand there, my eyes raving over every inch of her, and her with her gaze turned fully away, willing the stained color in her face to disappear. Finally, I clear my throat, feeling the silence take its first steps into uncomfortable. "How long have you known about this place?"  
  
She shrugs. "A few months. It's a good place to come to be alone."  
  
I smile. "I guess you really wouldn't got a lot of time alone, would you?"  
  
She shakes her head, looking up at me shyly. "The bad part about living in a house full of people."  
  
I chuckle slightly. "I'm sure it has its ups and downs. So… do you always… eh… spin?"  
  
Our eyes are lock and slowly she begins to giggle, very quietly. "No, actually. Last week was the first time. I don't know what possessed me to do it, just seemed like a good idea. It's fun too. Makes you feel like you could lift right off the earth at any moment and go sailing away on the clouds…" Her voice turns to a dreamy reminiscence. I grin down on her.  
  
"Until you came falling down?"  
  
Again her eyes dart to mine, her lips parted so slightly, full and pouting like just awakened from a dream. "Especially when I fell down," she whispered. I had to strain to hear her.  
  
I chew on my lower lip momentarily, pushing myself away from the trunk of the cherry tree and walking into the clear opening. The grass comes up to my knees, a few bright yellow dandelions growing around my ankles.  
  
Sighing, I look up at the sky. It was of the palest blue this afternoon, almost like in a dream. "I used to dream about flying when I was little," I remark, almost to myself. She says nothing for a long time, and eventually I let my eyes close, letting the warm sunrays cover my skin.  
  
"Have you ever tried it?"  
  
"Hm?" I look down on her again, seeing that she has moved slightly away from the trail and thorn-decorated bushes.  
  
"Flying? Or… spinning?"  
  
My lips turn up quirkily, my head falling to one side. "I'm too old for stuff like that," I joke. In my mind, it's almost true. I've been acting like an adult since I was six. Why would I suddenly decide to live out my youthful years now?   
  
Her eyes lower to the ground, her small arms wrapping around her waist. "And I'm immature?" she whispers carefully. I watch her, wishing she was looking up at me so that I could read into her emotions. Eventually, I shrug my shoulders, looking past her into the blurred green forest.  
  
"Of course you are. You're young, naïve, immature, carefree, easy-going…" My eyes glance back to her to see her staring at me with wide, unblinking eyes, and I smile. "It's part of your charm."  
  
Her gasp is so small, almost undetectable, with only a small parting of the lips. I lower my gaze again. I have no idea how to talk to her. There are so many things I want to say, to ask, but just looking at this shining angel, I'm rendered speechless. I wonder if she notices how nervous I am, if she cares? Maybe she's just as… no, why would she be?   
  
"Try it."  
  
"Huh?" I look at her again, shocked to see that she has moved to less than two feet away from me.  
  
"Try spinning. I promise, you'll like it."  
  
I blink a few times, before curling my lips upward. "No, thanks. I'd feel stupid."   
  
She giggles, having the courtesy to blush and look away. "Please?" When our gazes meet again, she has the most adorable, innocent grin I have ever seen, making my heart skip a beat or two. "It won't hurt, and besides, I'm the only person here." Oh yeah, that helps. When I don't move, she laughs loudly, rubbing at the back of her neck nervously. "I'll do it too, if you want…"  
  
My eyes dance between hers nervously, before furrowing my brow. "Why do you want me to do this so bad?"  
  
She shrugs nonchalantly. "So that I can prove how fun it is. Besides, I think it'll do you good. Honestly, when was the last time you did something completely pointless, just to loosen up?"  
  
"Never."  
  
"There you go! So come on, just hold out your arms like this, and twirl around until you get so dizzy you can't stand up anymore!" Her arms are out to her side like an airplane and I can't help but laugh as she twirls around a few times, as if she was a training ballerina. She stands still again, grinning up at me. I can see a tiny sprite living inside of her, a little elf burning inside with endless joy.   
  
I gulp unsteadily, staring at her for a long time, looking into that ongoing smile. Eventually, she lets her arms drop to her sides and a cute pout pushes out her lower lip. She sighs, before grinning impishly and skipping towards me and holding my arms out to my sides. I only smile down at her with curiosity, but inside my heart is melting. She is so close, our bodies touching.  
  
"Come on, Mamoru-san! What's wrong?"  
  
I stare down at her, wondering all the time if she can feel the same warmth that I feel radiating from her small body. Licking my lips, I unconsciously lace our fingers together, just lightly so that our fingertips barely brush against each other. My gaze softens, and I smile down on her, before letting my grin spread across my entire face and sweeping her into a tight hold. I wrap my arms about her tiny waist, listening her squeal against me as I lift her into the air and begin spinning around like a helicopter. Her screams quickly die into excited giggles and laughing. She begs me to stop after awhile, but I only turn faster, delighting in the feel of her fragile fingers digging into the material of my shirt. Her head is buried into neck, her legs and the hem of her skirt flying out away from me.  
  
"Ma…Mamo-chan, stop! I'm going to be sick!"  
  
With that, I feel my feet catch and I stumble, holding onto my balance only momentarily, before collapsing to my knees. The girl is still in my arms, both of us breathing raggedly, laughing between gasps of air. My ties never untie from her, and her small arms refuse to let their grip loosen either. A small feeling of de ja vu washes over me from when she had earlier fell into my embrace, lying still in my hold. My head goes light, nausea building in my stomach before vanishing as I let my head fall on top of hers. I feel her shaking beneath me and tighten my hold.  
  
"Wha…what did you call me?" I whisper, my head still spinning. I feel her arms tense, before ever so slowly sliding around my shoulders. Her hands lightly trace down my chest and I look down at her just as she pulls away, too quickly, and raises one hand to her temple. She moans, her brow furrowing. I chuckle, reaching one arm up and tenderly bringing her back to me. Her head willingly falls against my chest again, but her arms remain trapped between our bodies, showing no desire to wrap around me again. "Just relax, Usagi-chan, the dizziness has to go away eventually."   
  
And so we remained there, locked together in a position I was sure I could have spent the rest of my days in. When finally I could think well enough, I looked down on her shining golden hair. I kissed the top of her head on instinct, running one hand through her long hair. "Mamo-chan, huh?" I whispered. Again, her muscles tightened together.  
  
"I… I… it just slipped out. Gomen ne. I won't say it again."  
  
I held silent for awhile, before chuckling and raising her chin with my fingers. Her unsteady gaze managed to hold mine and I smiled. "I don't really mind, Odango. Don't worry about it."  
  
She looks quite unimpressed and glances down again, before pushing her small hands against my chest and prying herself away from me. Eventually, I let my arms slide to my sides as she sits back on her ankles, out of my hold completely now. Her fingers begin to massage her temples slightly. "I think I'm going to have this headache for the rest of my life," she complains idly.  
  
"Gomen…" I whisper, reaching out to trail a finger along her jawbone. She stops her hands and gradually lets them fall to her lap. "Usagi… why did you go to my apartment?" I can feel seriousness tint the air around us and frown at her suddenly drawn back position.  
  
She hesitates, her fingers lacing together in her lap. "I…  
  
thought we should talk." "About?"  
  
Another pause. "What happened last Saturday, between us…" her small voice had dropped to a whisper. "Why… did you come here for me?"  
  
"Same reason," I answer, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. "So then what happened?"  
  
"You tell me."  
  
I feel a quirky smile cross my lips again. "Here's a better question: What happened between us just now?" Her head lifts and I can see fear and nervousness hidden behind glowing aqua eyes.   
  
_ Usagi _  
  
I wish I knew. I wish I knew what is going on between us. I wish I could tell him all of the things I'm feeling. Instead, I only shrug, biting my lip. Can he see my unease? Can he tell how much I want him to hold me again?  
  
"You used to be so cold and held back," I whisper, analyzing every minimal twitch of his chiseled features. He opens his mouth but no words come out, and so I continue. "It was like you were completely untouchable. Just some distant image where I could just tell that inside you were sweet and caring, and I could even catch glimpses every now and then. But you always closed up into a careless man who wanted nothing to do with me." I pause, never taking my stare from his. He looks confused, and I go on. "Then… when we were here and I was spinning so fast that everything around me was just a giant blur, I saw you and stopped. But my legs wanted to keep turning and so I fell and then you… caught me. And… and I closed my eyes and knew… just knew… that the man who was holding me was the sweet and caring Chiba Mamoru that I'd always wanted to know, but been so afraid to reach out to."  
  
"Usagi…" he begins, barely above a whisper. I let my eyes drop to the ground, clamping my eyelids down tight. I hear him stirring beside me and soon after feel a warm palm cupping my neck, just below my earlobe. "When I came here last week, and looked at you spinning, like a child, I felt everything in me melt, completely, just by watching you. Then when you fell into my… into me, I could feel the ground start to turn as well, like… like you and me were the only stationary things on this earth. But the strange thing is that I'd been feeling that way for so long. Every time I saw you it was like my entire world completely lost control. And I'd never felt that way before in my life, and I'm still not used to it…" Suddenly, I feel his forehead pressed up against mine and force my eyes to open. They meet with hazy ocean depths smiling back at me, terror somewhere behind the usually masked off stare. "If you sensed something different about me, it wasn't because I wanted to open up to you. It was because I didn't have a choice. Whenever I'm around you, I just want to be so close, I just want to hold you and tell you how much I… Then you gave me the perfect chance. And I couldn't have turned away from you if I tried." His other shaky hand comes up to push some of my bangs away from my forehead. "Besides, it's not every day I get to hold an angel."  
  
"Ma…Mamo…"  
  
"Shh… Usa… please… would… would you forgive me… if I kissed you right now?"  
  
I gasp, my eyes widening as I continue to stare at him, trying desperately to make sense out of the blurred image. Kiss… he would kiss me? Why? I'm nothing special… I'm no angel… but to think of his smile and his lips and his…   
  
"Yes…" I finally manage to stutter, though I can barely hear my own voice. "Though I might not forgive you if you don't." I close my eyes quickly, hoping that if he was joking, I won't see his face before he laughs at me. But there is no laughter. I feel both his hands against my cheeks now, his fingertips caressing my neck and hair as he steadily draws me closer. My head is already faint, just with subtle anticipation, and I lick my lips, inhaling sharply. Then, with all the tenderness of the smallest breeze, his lips brush against mine, and they are gone.   
  
I hold still for a moment, still feeling his breath against me, before letting a quiet whimper escape my trembling lips. His hands still press against my skin, but I feel him move away and gradually let my eyes open. He stares at me with concern, but hints of delight. "Mamo-chan…?"  
  
"I don't want to move too fast," he whispers huskily, tucking some hair behind my ears. "You're so precious. I guess… I'm afraid I'll scare you away." A small chuckle spreads a smile on his face and I move my hands up to hold onto his. I wrap my fingers around his palms, slowly drawing them away from my face, and grin widely.  
  
Taking in a deep breath, I lunge myself into his arms, tying my arms around his neck. He gasps, surprised, then lets his arms surround me.  
  
"You're not going to scare me away, Mamo-chan." I wait for his response, but he only pulls me closer. "I feel like I've been waiting all my life to be with you."  
  
He is silent, motionless, before his hands begin to trace subtle designs on my back, and he buries his face into my neck, decorating the tender skin with butterfly kisses. "Usa… do you realize that everything in the world is spinning around us?"  
  
I close my eyes, letting my mind see the world turn faster and faster into a blur, leaving only us in the center. "Hai…"  
  
"Promise me something," his voice has changed to sudden seriousness, and I gulp unsteadily.   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"Promise that you'll always let me hold you like this."  
  
I take a minute to analyze our position, down on our knees, locked so tightly together it's almost difficult to breathe. Giggling, I promise him.  
  
"But you have to promise me something."  
  
"Hm?" he whispers.  
  
"Promise that you'll always be there to catch me if I fall."  
  
He lifts his head to look me in the eyes, a tiny smile crept onto his perfect features. "I promise, Usako."   
  


_Or is love collapsing to the ground?  
Feeling the chaos relax  
And the world tone down  
To calm stillness  
And everything is back in place._

  
  
Love and God bless!  
<3 Alicia-chan 


End file.
